Wood Dick Solid
Cums of the puppets
Written by
HIDEO KOJIMA
Produced by
HIDEO KOJIMA
Created by
HIDEO KOJIMA
Inspired by the works of
HIDEO KOJIMA
Based on the characters by
HIDEO KOJIMA
Assistant Directed by
HIDEO KOJIMA
XANDER: Solsid Snake, can you read me?
SOLSID: Ayy, loud and clear, boss man. What’s the sitch on the situation?
XANDER: You won’t believe it, but the situation has deteriorated significantly. It seems that our mole inside Shadow Moses High School has been cornered.
SOLSID: That is how it is, huh? Those digi-demons are really causing the hustle and bustle around here, aren’t they?
XANDER: That is exactly right, Solsid. Ever since the ATANSOFF-BERRY COMPUTER was activated in 1943, a new type of demon has inhabited the world.
SOLSID: Sheesh. To think, that was actually just a bit after my own time. I was neva’ one for keeping up on technology, when demons didn’t used to be so damn technical. Now I gotta use these fancy wrist watches and this CODEC thingy… I was surprised they just put whole movies on a little tape now! Or hell, they put them on little plates of silver! Talk about luxury.
XANDER: Luxury will be the last thing humanity has, if we allow this situation to get any worse. The Digital World has merged with our own, Solsid Snake.
SOLSID: Ya tellin’ me, these kids are always on their damn mini computers, in the palm of their hands. They can make movies with those things, but instead they are just watchin’ other people play video games!
XANDER: It is not a coincidence, Solsid. The ATANASOFF-BERRY COMPUTER was the first computer ever created. No one knew how powerful it actually was until it was too late. The
foundation of the digital world was established with its mere conceptualization.
SOLSID: The Atari-Burger computer, huh?
XANDER: The ATANSOFF-BERRY COMPUTER is also known as (ABC). It was designated such, because they felt that it would become the bare essentials of digital matter. The building blocks. They even call code languages, not unlike how you and I are speaking now.
SOLSID: Computer languages?
XANDER: That’s right. Computers are thinking machines and the digital demons are more or less sentient. The first patented computer, after the ABC, was the ENIAC - which continued to build on the foundation established by the ABC.
SOLSID: Hell, I’m really learnin’ my ABCs all over again, I gotta remember this.
XANDER: All digital worlds were initially created by the ABC, but the ENIAC allowed for it to reach a worldwide level of connectivity. It created its own digital world and from there, the digital realities eventually merged into a singular one. That merged digital reality is the one that is now entering Shadow Moses Highschool via the Hellmouth.
SOLSID: Ya don’t say… this really is complicated for a simple demon slaying mission.
XANDER: It is no coincidence. We had to get the best for the job. Sorry we pulled you out of retirement for this, but the whole country hangs in the balance. You must infiltrate Shadow Moses High School and find the young adult Matilde. She’s an exchange student from Spain.
SOLSID: What do the digital demon guys want with her?
XANDER: Besides her virginity? It is likely that she was assisting a digital-occultist named De Ascanio.
SOLSID: De Ascanio…? That guy from that one movie?
XANDER: While he looks similar, no. De Acanio is a digital-occultist who was developing a demon-summoning program. He programmed it all in excel. Somehow. Either way, he was able to run an algorithm that advanced the process of demons summoning.
SOLSID: Hm… in othawords, he made a program do all the spooky candles work for him and what not.
XANDER: Precisely, he is summoning digimon into the world through his program. One where a demon is summoned and then sustained in a small digital dimension. When near a hellmouth, and once fully grown, the evolved demon can appear in our reality.
SOLSID: And this Matilde girl got herself in some deep, dirty business with this freakshow, huh? Guess nerds stay togetha. Even though De Ascanio looks like some scumbag sex tourist, crazy to think he’s a bit of a geek himself.
XANDER: Either way, Solsid, watch out for devices called TAMAGOTCHI. They are egg-watches that can host the summoned demons temporarily. However, from them, it is possible that these demons can be used to attack or even attack their tamer.
SOLSID: Attackin’ the hand that feeds. I see. What a world. I’ll tell ya what, boss man. After this, ya gonna let me take that long vacation in the other side of Alaska like I asked for.
XANDER: Of course, no worries. For now, keep your mind on the mission. Also, I should tell you before I forget. If you need to contact me again, I will place my special emergency codec contact number in black text. That way, no one will be able to actually read it, without having editing privileges. The code is: THE GAME
SOLSID: Copy that, chief. I am going to go ahead and infiltrate this shindig before some digital demon infiltrates the lady’s panties.
XANDER: Be careful, Solsid. Our intel states that you will be facing digitized demons, they may have remarkable sentience and unique abilities. Regardless, everyone here at COXHOUND is proud to be working with you. Good luck.
SOLSID: Hmm… won’t need luck. But I won’t let you all down.
[END CODEC]
Matilde was afraid. The Puppetmon had manifested itself in the computer lab. She was speechless, how could she have predicted that the Hellmouth could do such a thing so soon? Not only that, but De Ascanio would no doubt be furious. It was bad enough that she worked with him only for her own future. So that she may one day develop a tamagotchi that would bring peace to the world and give companionship to digimon. But now, the circumstances have turned around rather terribly.
“Puppetmon, you really are… frisky…” It was
hard to say she didn’t enjoy it for the most part. “Pinocchio, I mean, I’m sorry.” Mati bit down a sigh as she felt the wooden appendage of the digital demon penetrate her yet again. It was like being fucked by a sentient tree stump with a big nose who only told lies and no, it wasn’t a former American president. She continued to gulp as then she took the wooden dick like a champ. Her pussy was utterly defenseless against the lustful hip strokes of the wooden digimon.
“Better than the nose?” Puppetmon asked genuinely. The elongated nose itself still glistened with evidence of their shared pleasure. The consensual captive had done well to distract Pinocchio long enough so that she could reach out to the American government. Specifically, COXHOUND. That and she really just needed a good fuck, honestly, after how stressful the year had been. “No dick is better than my own though, right?”
Just as Puppetmon stated this, his nose grew a little longer. “I mean, not better than my wooden dick.” The nose grew yet again. He did not let himself get distracted. Puppetmon had dedicated himself to fucking her into shivering splinters. Like a terrible pirate lord, he made her walk his plank and frankly, the two of them had a lot of fun. The computer lab smelled like the woodshop, hot glue included. Anyone who went by simply assumed they were soldering a motherboard in there.
Slipping and sliding, the puppetmon had enjoyed what he felt was an appropriate accommodation for his longterm
imprisonment inside a tamagotchi this entire time. Now that he was born freely into a manifestation within the merged reality, he could enjoy the pleasures of human pussy. Like a beast made of wood, he continued to draw himself into her. She creaked like a bundle of branches being fed into a woodchipper. But the digimon simply gasped in ecstasy as he treated himself like a tent’s wooden spike and her happy valley like moist ground on a spring evening in the woods.
“Y-you really have a lot of uhm… energy!” Mati couldn’t think of anything more appropriate to say. She gazed at the wooden cross that was on his back like a martyr. If someone were to get ahold of it, would it be possible to marionette him? Would it be possible to control exactly how he fucked her? What a lewd and nonsensical, useless observation, she thought. She just knew that she hoped for more wooden dick, if he had simply gone limp after his initial climax, much like how his nose would shorten when telling the truth.
“I’m just! Taking my time! This is the best pussy I ever had!” The truth lowered his nose, and something else, as well. “I mean, probably the best I will ever have!” Pretty soon, both his face and his pelvis were half flaccid.
“T-tell a lie!”
“Uhh…” Puppetmon had to think quickly. “R-russia is a functional country, and not a failed post-Soviet state!” Excellently, his nose and erection returned to full stance. Much to the glee of both parties, as this meant that he could continue to be a literal wood-pecker and make Mati’s pussy his personal tree to pluck into.
Clunk-clunk, his wooden trunk continued to fuck her.
+-+-+
XANDER: Yes, Solsid, what is it?
SOLSID: You won’t believe for a moment what I am seein’ here…
XANDER: Is it… rather graphic? Can you describe it?
SOLSID: I’m watching the computer lab assistant technician getting fucked by Pinocchio.
XANDER: This is no time for jokes, but in case you are telling the truth, that might be the Pinnochio.
SOLSID: No playin’ around, fer real?
XANDER: Not the one from the story, but back in the digital world created by the ABC, Pinocchio was a violent mercenary war criminal. But he was also a politician.
SOLSID: A politician and a soldier? Ya know, people keep thinking that is a good idea,but that’s how ya end up like Italy. Ya ever think about how the world just forgives Italy for everythin’? If Germans had better food, we’d prolly be teachin’ a different history in schools entirely.
XANDER: Pinnochio is no joke. He is a direct concept from the military industrial complex. A hacker developed him, not the original creators of the ABC.
SOLSID: So he’s like a virus, am I hearin’ that right?
XANDER: Precisely. He is a corruption of a Cherrymon. Rather, he is cannibalized code from Cherrymon and then some hacker altered him significantly. It lies constantly and not only that, it causes significant errors in the digital world.
SOLSID: Ya sure he ain’t just a newer operation system? Every time I gotta update the electric-typewriter, the damn thing just gets slower!
XANDER: He may look like a puppet, Solsid. But he is the one pulling the strings. On his back is a cross, if you were able to somehow commandeer that, you will be able to neutralize him quickly.
SOLSID: What about his weapon? Looks like he got some… literal revolver-hammer.
XANDER: When he was being developed by hackers to do serious damage, they possibly knew that it was inevitable that digital demons would one day make it into our world. His weapon is especially dangerous against humans. However, despite himself being wood, he could cause some serious damage to you too.
SOLSID: I ain’t no splinter. I’m a solid plank.
XANDER: Solid Plank is a way better pun than Solsid, I wish I heard this earlier, but now the document has been established and it's a little odd to fix it now. Either way, Solsid. You have to take out that Puppet and rescue the girl.
SOLSID: Easy! Call it a piece-uh cake and add some frostin’. I’m goin’ in!
[END CODEC]
Just as the puppet came in her, another puppet came onto the scene. But not literally, Solsid simply emerged with a fucking gun and took aim. “Freeze! Reach for the skies, ya blockhead!”
The Pinochimon drizzled its hot-glue like cum over Matilde’s stomach, it oozed past her slit and slipped down between her legs. She was surprised to see that a COXHOUND operative, the famous Solid Plank, had come to her rescue. However, she was sort of not in too much need of such.
She needed some water and some calories to make up for the expenditure. Matilde sat in a puddle, practically, as she hugged her legs. The two puppets were bound to start fighting. Beneath her, a growing residue of the aftermath of Pinocchio’s climax continued to en mass. “W-what?! Two living puppets fighting one another?!” And from the looks of it, the COXHOUND operator was rather handsome. “This is just like one of my doujins!”
“The infamous Solid Plank…” Pinocchio taunted. To his surprise, his nose grew. “Hm?! Is that not your name? I thought we just established a minute ago that was your actual callsign.”
Sid smirked. “The name’s… Solsid.”
“That is
not your real name!” Yet, the wooden digimon’s nose grew
yet again. “Tsch… I have long awaited a battle against you. In a way, we’re brothers.”
“Not really. Like, not really at all, bud.” Solsid was very quick to shoot down the assertion, but surprisingly hesitant about putting a bullet through his red-capped head. Killing demons was one thing, but this guy was just like him in others. “I was born a human, ya know. You were born a virus.”
“Do you really believe everything that anyone says? Just because they tell you about it confidently? You’re the type of guy to get catfished online and give up half your retirement fund to someone you have no idea is real…” The nose did not grow. “Soldiers like you don’t make any choice of your own. You’re all just pawns in the greater picture of political dabblings from psychopaths. You think that by killing all demons, the world will magically be better?”
“Well, yes. Actually. Magically better would be the literal out come of less of ya bozos runnin’ around, makin’ messes…” Solsid had no idea where the thing was going with this. Magic’s dissonant relationship with the human world, regardless of that magic being digital or not, is the very reason individuals like Solsid existed. To deplete these dissonant factors for the common good. Although, it did on occasion, weigh heavily on his consciousness. “I won’t hesitate in a minute here. You and I’s may look the same, but I got a human heart. Metaphorically, ya know?”
“Think about it. You are literally a puppet. All you do is mimic the words of others. You sit on the laps of others and just become their literal surrogate. You don’t even have your head up your own ass, you have someone else’s hand. The hand of COXHOUND.” These bold statements from the long nosed freak really got Solsid salty. He knew it too. “There is no lie there. Deep down, you know that as a demon hunter and a soldier, your will is entirely dependent on the hand that feeds you and the hand that moves your mouth from the inside. Trust me, once you know who is pulling the strings in this world, you never want to follow an order ever again.”
The two prepared to fight. It was inevitable now. Violence was the only solution and the two of them just so happened to be surgeons of violence. Yet, Solsid had one advantage that Pinocchio did not. He could freeze time to take a codec call.
“One second, tough guy.”
+-+-+
XANDER: Solsid. If you are calling me via the codec emergency number, it must mean you are either waist deep in Spanish pussy or you are about to fight a boss.
SOLSID: Hmrpf… pretty obvious its the last one, ain’t it?
XANDER: I mean, of course. I wasn’t hoping to listen into the former, honestly. Anyways, enough about that. Pinnochio is a very dangerous digimon. Because of his ability to cause glitches, it is entirely possible that he may damage the document.
SOLSID: Damage the document?
XANDER: Yes, in fact, he will likely try and break up the text and make it harder to read.
SOLSID: Hmpf… that is very devious of him, don’t ya think? But, it seems he’s more of a problem than uhh… a threat.
XANDER: That’s right. However, I predicted he might try and break the text, so I took the initiative and set imported images with transparent images to lay behind the text.
SOLSID: Lay behind the text? What? Is the text just takin’ a break now?
XANDER: Truthfully, if it is too much of a bother, you can always use your editing privileges to remove the image.
SOLSID: Remove the image? Yeah, I guess I could do that… what’s the worse that could happen? But wait, what if I uhhh… downloaded this as a PDF or somethin’?
XANDER: Solsid, go back to the discord and see if there is a link to a google document.
SOLSID: Googledoc, ay? I can check for that, sure…
XANDER: As long as you have a google account or the link, you should be able to delete Pinnochio.
SOLSID: That is all I oughta do? Go to the google link and delete the .png? Sheesh, demon fighting sure has gotten easier.
XANDER: This won’t defeat him in reality, but it will prevent him from ruining the story, Solsid.
SOLSID: I’ll try that eitha way… anythin’ to get this fucken PNG out from behind the text.
XANDER: Be careful when editing the elements of the document, however Solsid, Pinnochio might be hiding something else behind him.
SOLSID: Roger that… Imma do my best here, so thanks for the help pal. All I gotta do is find the element in editor mode and delete it, right?
XANDER: Yes, that is all. Best of luck with the rest of your mission. We are all counting on you. All of America is.
SOLSID: I don’t get paid enough for this nonsense! But what is a fella to do?
XANDER: You can hang up now. I need to go run some errands anyway.
SOLSID: Fair enough. Have a good one, pal. I’ll just save the world over here, yep… hooray.